Guest blog: FA Cup final cliche bingo
- 10 May 2013 12:44
- Posted by @markbooth_mcfc/words by Adam Hurrey
Bingo cards at the ready - essential Twitter follow @FootballCliches gives us his unique preview to Saturday's FA Cup final...
This week's events in the red half of Manchester have threatened to overshadow the small matter of the 132nd FA Cup Final at tea-time on Saturday.
However, while their 'Moyesy neighbours' get used to life after Sir Alex Ferguson, City fans will don their jester hats and make the long trip to Wembley.
Those throwing the form-book out of the minibus window on the M6 will be spared the marathon nine hours of televised build-up, but the rest of us watching at home will be treated to the annual thrill of seeing both team coaches arrive at the stadium, before several dozen pairs of over-sized headphones and designer washbags disembark.
This is the first sight of the players going out of their way to look "relaxed" before kick-off - next up is the wander out in their Cup Final suits around the ever-hallowed turf, where we will all be told just how "relaxed" these experienced international superstars look.
Vincent Kompany will inevitably be asked if he watched the FA Cup Final a boy, in a slightly defensive way that suggests we Englishmen might be somehow offended if it turned out that a young Vincent might have had better things to do on his sunny Saturday afternoon than watch our domestic cup decider.
City undoubtedly start the Cup Final as favourites, but Wigan will be lauded by pundits (and almost patronised) for their insistence on "playing the game the right way".
After an out-of-sync rendition of the national anthem between star performer and fans is complete, the Cup Final will settle into its traditional "cagey" first half.
This is, of course, where Wembley's energy-sapping playing surface plays its mythical part, despite being of roughly equivalent dimensions to every other football pitch in the developed world.
Whoever wins, some cheeky scamp will take it upon themselves to wear the FA Cup's lid as a jaunty hat while singing the only permitted celebration song (Ole! Ole! Ole!) and performing the only permitted dance move (bobbing up and down).
Wembley's "sea of blue" will half-empty, leaving only some disconsolate fans of the vanquished finalists left clutching their tin-foil FA Cups. What happens to the discarded tin-foil FA Cups each year?
There's still plenty of magic left in the FA Cup, but there's an awful lot of clichés too.
FA Cup final bingo
If you manage to cross off all 16, feel free to celebrate like an old-school Cup Final winner by putting a saucepan lid on your head and jumping into the bath with ten others...